9. 45 Ways To Annoy People

I was flipping through The Globe which is my weekly IH newspaper published by the residents (well, actually only 2 in charge, articles are generously written by anyone in IH) and I came across this article "45 ways to annoy people" which I find entertaining. So if anyone's stumped when it comes to annoying people, or just finding some new tricks since yours are getting older and older, this might help you out a bit (P.S. SekTeng, no.23 is especially for you :) Haha...)

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual message”.

3. Insist that your drive-through order is “to go”.

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of “Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip…”

5. If you have a glass eye, tap it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

7. Speak only in a “robot” voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will “swipe your grub.”

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17” paper, 99 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniff incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog “Dog”.

15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”

16. Reply to everything someone says with “that what YOU think.”

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your “astronaut training.”

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for “violating your airspace.”

19. Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a “real hoot.”

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy them to your boss.

23. Making beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a “spider person.”

26. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophecy.”

27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more at any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a person’s every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Ask people what gender they are.

34. Sit in front of your yard pointing a hairdryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

35. Chew on pens that you’ve borrowed.

36. Wear a lot of cologne.

37. Invite lots of people to other peoples’ parties.

38. Sing along at the opera.

39. Mow your lawn with scissors.

40. At a golf tournament, chant “swing-batabatabata-suhwing-batter.”

41. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your imaginary friend.

42. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.

43. TYPE ONLY IN UPPER CASE.

44. Wear a cape that says “Magnificent One”

45. Not writing to The Globe!